Man Up, Poland

British gentlemen abroad

Once again a casual remark made by a foreigner has touched off a firestorm of protest over here in Poland.

The Polish Prime Minister, Donald Tusk, bent British PM Cameron’s ear for 40 minutes over the insult in what was described as a “frank and open exchange of views”, diplomatic speak for a vicious slanging match. 

The leader of the main opposition party, Jaroslaw Kaczynski, used an open letter to the British leader to bemoan the “hurtful stereotypes” and “lack of appreciation” and went on to encourage Poles in Britain to return home.

Those were the reasonable and measured responses.

Further down the food chain the leader of the Peasants’ Party (PSL), Jan Bury, in a spit flecked rant warned that, ”We cannot be idle” which confused Poles who thought that being idle was the raison d’etre of the PSL. But as he continued his meaning became clear. “We cannot be idle and watch as Prime Minister Cameron repeatedly offends Poles and delivers blows to the Polish family” (It’s more stirring in the original Polish). What his call to action amounted to, though, was a bit of an anti-climax. Poles should boycott Tesco. Not exactly a call for the storming of the Bastille maybe, but given Britain’s economic footprint in Poland probably the best he could do.

So what was the cause of all the indignation? Had Cameron called the Poles ‘Untermensch”? Did the British PM suggest bringing back serfdom with Poles as the new serfs?

As it turns out it was neither. The liberal-minded British Prime Minister said in a TV interview that the previous Labour government letting in a million Poles was a “huge mistake” and paying benefits to foreigners abroad was wrong. That’s it.

Personally, I think he is wrong on both counts, but not bigoted, and his opinion is shared by a large number of British voters.

When you listen to the whole interview Cameron makes it obvious that he’s referring to the sheer number of Poles not the nationality itself. To look at it another way, if the average Pole were asked whether a million Brits arriving in Poland in the space of a couple of years was a great idea they’d very likely agree with the British PM.

In fact, one Polish city has seen a British invasion on the scale of the Polish influx to Britain. Since the age of cheap flights Cracow, the beautiful and historical former capital of Poland, has been on the receiving end of a million British stag and hen party nights. Attracted by the cheap beer and exotic location the Brits have binged on the former and pissed all over the latter to their heart’s content. Poles were surprised and appalled in equal measure by these barbarian invaders, because Poland was just about the last country in the world that imagined that Prince Charles was a typical Englishman. But no more. The arrival of the genuine article has exploded the myth  of the English gentleman in these parts forever.

Prince Charles, typical Brit

Donald Tusk, the Polish PM, said as much in his whine about Cameron:

 “Many times I have seen Englishmen behave, to put it delicately, reprehensibly in Krakow, Gdansk or Warsaw, but it never occurred to me use their loutish behaviour to smear everybody from Britain.”

Given this now widespread Polish opinion of us, would he or any other Pole welcome a million Brits as permanent residents as the British have the Poles?

Cameron’s second point that it is wrong to pay benefits to foreigners living abroad should be even less offensive to Poles. A revealing survey over here has found that very few of the Poles who were so upset at Britain cutting benefits, thought that Poland should pay benefits to foreigners abroad like the British do.

Why The Tantrum?

Despite the amazing progress of the past twenty years the Polish inferiority complex is still going strong. Poles pretend they are the equal of Britain, France or Germany, but they don’t actually believe it. Their hypersensitive reaction to the slightest hint of foreign criticism proves that.

The irony of all this is that modern Poland is very much the equal of its neighbours. The only thing missing is Polish self-belief. The most extreme anti-Polish prejudice to be found in the world today is not to be found in Putin’s Russia or the smug western European countries. It’s not in America where most people are only vaguely aware of Poland’s existence. No, the world’s greatest bigots on the subject of Poland are the Poles themselves.

Another example will illustrate the point. Germans are supposed to see Poland as a nation of thieves. So when the German retailer MediaMarkt ran a humorous ad suggesting as much it set off the usual outraged hysteria. But back in the real world a few conversations with Poles on the subject of their compatriots soon reveals that a higher proportion of Poles than Germans believe other Poles to be untrustworthy.

So what I would say to Poles is, “Man up and grow a thicker skin!”

Do the French get upset when we mock their G-string trunks? No. They just sneer and walk off with the babe.

Do the Germans throw a tantrum when we Brits call them humourless square heads? No. They get in their BMW and leave us choking on their dust.

And when you guys say that British food is uneatable do we promise to boycott pierogis? No. We shake our heads and tuck into our Fish and Chips, that English culinary masterpiece.

Poland when you truly believe in your hearts that you are the equal of any Brit, Kraut or Frog you won’t get excited when foreigners say dumb things about you.

Man up, Poland!