The Pitch

Dumb enough to be awarded Best Picture by lefties 

The player (P) - I've got this great movie idea. You're totally gonna flip!

Studio boss (SB) - Okay. I'll bite. You've got 30 seconds. 

P - Okay. It's called Nemeo and Juliet. Imagine a secret military base around the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis. There's this poor, mute woman who's a janitor and she joins forces with a poor black woman, a gay guy and a good-hearted communist to save a fish-man who's being tortured by evil white men. 

So this fish-man and the mute woman form a bond that proves that what we call 'species' is just a social construct. Later on there's this really beautiful sex scene which shows that love truly transcends everything and they live happiliy ever after.

But here's the best bit. The baddie ain't just bad on account of being a white, male normie. He's like this big Christian who's really into fighting the Cold War and all that; and he loves torturing the fish-man; he's lives in suburbia; he's racist; he's arrogant; and he's really really bad at sex!

SB - Well, that was 45 seconds but worth every one. I think you might have something there. It's so fucking screwed up, I think we might even be talking Oscar bait! Only thing is, the title has to go. We need something that seems deep but is actually meaningless. What about 'The Shape of Water'?

P - Wow. That's really cool.

It's beyond stupid; it's beyond decadent; it's beyond degenerate; it's Hollywood 2018, and a weird pile of crap called The Shape of Water has  just won Best Picture Oscar.


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