Dave's Disappointment

Nigel Farage: the bounder

       

                   

David Cameron is a disappointed man. It’s not the massacre that the Conservatives have just suffered at the hands of Ukip. The unkindest cut of all appears to be the realisation that Nigel Farage is not playing fair, not taking his shots as we used to have it in the school playground.

Apparently, Nigel Farage, an unprincipled, rabble-rousing racist bigot according to Dave, didn’t do the ordinary bloke-ish thing (burst into tears, rant,  give up) in response to the unprecedented hate campaign orchestrated against him in the media by that same nice chap, David Cameron.

Instead the bounder was “supremely tactical”. Where there were demented students, he smiled indulgently; where there was crass media bias, he showed patience; where his words were wilfully misrepresented, he tirelessly reiterated his point.  

In fact, no modern politician, apart from Margaret Thatcher, has so closely approximated Rudyard Kipling’s ideal of a man as outlined in his poem “If” than Nigel Farage. That has been terribly disappointing for Dave.

He always knew the European elections would be tough, of course. It’s never easy fighting the forces of conservatism, but you try doing it while leading the Conservative Party! Until yesterday, though, everything had been going pretty much according to the plan. The rebranding exercise was going swimmingly.  He’d already persuaded half of the “swivel-eyed loons” to leave his party and with the average age of members at 68 was very graciously willing to let nature take its course with the rest.

Then as regards election arithmetic there was great cause for optimism.

First, even though some of the “fruitcakes, closet racists and looney tunes” would  vote Ukip, Dave was confident that his promise of a referendum on EU membership  would keep enough of them on board.

Second, any loss to Ukip would be balanced by the votes Dave expected to pick up from cuddly progressives persuaded to see past the “nasty party” label by gay marriage and his Ramadan-a-ding-dong routine.

Third, the other progressive party,  the Labour opposition,  is led by a weirdo. If all else failed in the next general election there was the unanswerable last ditch argument:  “Vote Farage, get Milliband” that was convincing enough to strike terror into the stoutest heart.

Now though, all bets are off.

Nobody believes Dave’s referendum promise.

No progressive will ever vote Tory, vampires and crosses and so forth.

And If Ukip can build on this success there will be a tipping point at which the “Vote Farage, get Miliband” argument changes into “Vote Cameron, get Miliband”.

It is still unlikely that Ukip can prevail against the entire liberal establishment, but take heart.

Dave is disappointed: an unalloyed good thing.

Ukip’s 23 MEPs will annoy the hell out of our EU overlords for the next 5 years.

And for the first time since the 80s there will be a real choice on offer at the ballot box.

Rejoice, rejoice.