To become a fully paid up member of our intellectual elite you will need to subscribe to the following:

• Women are the absolute equal to men in every way and superior to them in most things.
• The temperature of the planet remained unchanged for eons until the Industrial Revolution when it started to shoot up (by less than a degree in 150 years!).
• Islam is a religion of peace.
• Freedom of speech is great unless it hurts somebody’s feelings from a vulnerable group.
• I am ashamed of my country, its culture, its history and particularly my fellow citizens.
• Equality before the law is wrong and allowance must always be made for somebody’s religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, etc…
• Despite its having been illegal for decades, women are paid only 80% as much as men for the same job.
•There is something terribly wrong with white people.
• The death penalty for murderers is barbaric but partial birth abortion is a woman’s right to choose and the very acme of civilisation.
• American culture is NOT superior to Pakistani or Zimbabwean.
• Criminals are victims too. 
• War is only just if we can bribe the French, Russians and Chinese to support us on the Security Council.

So take heart. If you can believe 12 impossible things before breakfast you too will be mentally qualified to join the ranks of our brightest and best.

But if you didn’t make the grade this time, don’t despair. Take comfort in the millions of dedicated professionals out there in the government, the schools, the universities, the media, and Hollywood whose life work is help you to be the best. Not the best as in being as good as them,  but something like the role of an adoring teenybopper to their Leonardo DiCaprio.


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