Heir to Blair's heir?

It’s unfair to judge Nicky Morgan by her face. It’s not her fault that her physiognomy so perfectly expresses the eternal surprise of a cretin. And, indeed, I would never bring it up if she didn’t insist on confirming all our suspicions every time she opens her mouth.

Now, God help us, she’s shared her thoughts on the Tory leadership race. Apparently it would be a “big mistake” if it came down to a contest between two “white men”. And as to who might be the right diversity candidate she went on helpfully, “That might be me” but generously added that “there are other great candidates”.

Great? If nothing else this self-descriptor shows how mother nature tends to compensate for deficiencies in one area by over-doing it in another. Whatever Nicky lacks in smarts she clearly makes up for in self-belief. 

New face of Britain?

And she’s not alone. There are apparently enough Nicky Morgan fans out there for her to be known by one of those contractions emblematic of the highest celebrity. To them  she’s NiMo pronounced Nemo. Who knows, maybe more voters will confuse this woman who’s risen without trace with J-lo than will make the very apt connection to the Latin meaning of nemo, “no-one”.

Now, though clearly at the bovine end of the IQ spectrum, Nicky is not without a certain cunning. She seems to be aware on some level that her recent promotion to Education Secretary had something to do with her having been born a woman. So why not emphasise this impressive qualification in her bid for the main prize? Great idea. But then she got overexcited with the possibilities of diverse and conquer.

I’ll make it as simple as I can Nicky.

"I'm diverse!"

Look in a mirror. If you must demonize the other in order to promote yourself, ideally you shouldn’t belong to the same despised category. In other words identifying Boris and George as “white men” is not going to be fantastically effective when your own skin dazzles like a tea towel in a washing powder commercial.

I might also say that it would be more effective to disguise your liberal credentials till you’ve won over Conservative Party members, like Dave did.

But then again given what Dave has done to his party in the meantime that might not be an obstacle anymore. It could be that Nemo’s play will make the ideal pair to Blair’s heir.

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